Breaking Free: Setting Boundaries, and Choosing Growth

It’s been a minute. I intended to share more of what it means to be neurodivergent and to offer others resources to help themselves. To those of you that have offered support I can’t tell you how much that has meant to myself and my family. To those of you that have found my content and my personal story helpful, my heart is warmed to know that we are on similar paths and that my words were impactful.

My family and I have been processing a lot over the last 6 months, dealing with the fallout of speaking our truth. There were moments that I wondered if we had made a mistake. If my words had destroyed relationships. But as we have dealt with what seems like never ending drama, we have realized that these people did not ever care to know who we really were. They had an expectation of who we were and how we should behave, and we had outgrown their mold. This drama had everything to do with their inability or refusal to really see us and respect us as our true selves. 

That little voice of self-doubt was the remnant of my people pleasing self that I had walked away from. The only people in my life that I have that level of responsibility to are my children and my husband. My husband and I have a duty to provide our children with healthy relationships with healthy adults. That includes modeling that behavior in our own relationships. If the adults in question refuse to try to live healthy lives, if they refuse to respect who we are, who our children are, we certainly can’t force them.

What do people do when they find themselves surrounded by unhealthy individuals? Those that hope time will heal our wounds, because we’ve “been through a lot”, but also refuse to do any self reflection or take ownership for their part. We have tried to talk to them, we’ve asked for space, I have written a letter. We have read books, found helpful websites, watched content creators on both sides. We’ve both spent so much time with professionals processing. I still find myself wondering what more can I or my husband do?

Give me a fucking break. Actually give yourselves a break. We all deserve better than that. 

If you ever find yourself in this position, surrounded by the types of people that see you as a wounded creature, but never mind that they did the wounding, they are not for you. When those people are your family of origin, that is a supremely hard lesson to learn. Everyone is worthy of really being seen and respected, especially by those who proclaim to love us. If you have tried and all it does is create more distance, it’s time to walk away. 

My husband and I realized that we need to let go of this hope that his family will realize what their actions, recent and long past, have done. Holding on to that hope serves no one, and does nothing but cause us and our children pain.

So the boundary is: get professional help, or leave us alone.

To my husband’s family of origin: please seek out someone professionally trained who can explain to you why your actions have created this distance. Find someone who can give you perspective and encourage your own growth. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves all you want, but your echo chamber is not even serving you.

To the extended family that we know is watching and talking: please encourage personal growth and self reflection. Doing otherwise just feeds the toxicity. Those of you staying out if it, I hope you are enjoying the show.

I debated on whether or not to share certain things. I have had to fight the urge to aggressively defend myself and my husband. It’s truly not worth the energy. We have to weigh whether sharing ourselves so publicly will benefit us or hurt us. But I believe that sharing this will help provide some closure and allow us to focus on the future. We want to spend time with the people in our lives that are supportive, that are willing to listen and understand, even at a basic level. People that bring joy to our lives and enjoy seeing us become who we were always meant to be. We want to celebrate with our growing supporters and have the time and energy to support them in return.

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